thats what i am.
i feel like an old man hermit.
i dont go out and party with all the young folk here. while they go out and get drunk and mess with members of the opposite gender, i sit in my room watching tv shows and listening to music or in the kitchen making food and eating the food i make. if not that, im most likely sleeping or reading books and constantly checking thesimple to see if there are any new updates. i dont know. why do i not want to go out? shoot. im at a prime age of partying, yet i have no desire to have 'fun' and i cant even socialize with people outside of my house and classes. honestly. i think ive lost the ability to make new acquaintances. socializing is a chore to me. id rather be alone and enjoy my solo time. haha. i wonder if i have an asocial mental problem. i mean, i like meeting people, theres no doubt about that. i just dont like making the effort and having to go through all that nice 'first time' meeting social norm shit. but even if i dont have to do that, i just...dont do anything remotely related to socializing.
i think i have some mindset of an old old man.
an old man who dies slowly while watching daytime soaps, taking his 10 pills a day, and sitting his life away in his rocking chair that he hand carved himself when he was 22.
but yea.
ps. in no way am i saying old men arent fun. i am just using the stereotype that old men are boring and sit around all day in their rocking chairs talking about joe dimaggio and the brooklyn dodgers. or the korean war. whichever.
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3 comments:
I am so feeling you. I am anti-social these days, too. I see people I know and I don't say hi unless they see me. Socializing is such a chore.
i understand the feeling. i didn't party much (if at all) during undergrad.
And I'll join the boat. I sincerely feel like that sometimes: antisocial, people-hater (well maybe you're not that extreme), wanting to escape away somewhere else, not wanting to put in the effort to socialize with people. Sometimes people smile widely into your face and expect a smile back, but sometimes you don't have one to give. And they might be hurt, but it's not like I want to hurt them --- it's just that sometimes, smiles cost me effort. And sometimes...I don't have that.
It's not an effort or energy that is automatically there if you're getting your rest. It's a mental energy for being around people.
At those times I really do just sit back for awhile and watch things go by, or just do things at my pace, without keeping up with the pace of normal things. And it's ok. For me, at least.
But of course, like all things, these feelings come and go. Life's a bunch of small cycles that move vaguely towards some directions (like a spiral that's not extending straight anywhere)...
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