chinese kids are evil.

it snowed heavily today. around 6 inches.

i woke up and looked outside the window cause i kept hearing people screaming. snow, everywhere. it was such a nice sight. i dont remember ever seeing SNOW falling fro the SKY. it was crazy.

i had to wake myself up, (seeing as how it was 1pm. ahahaha) so i went downstairs and made myself some coffee to enjoy the sights.

when it snows, you have to enjoy yourself right? i put on my 5 quid jeans, laced up my trainers, kept my head warm with a beanie and left the house.

snowballs everywhere. battlefield.

we were throwing snowballs at the cars struggling to crawl uphill. we were throwing snowballs at the pikey kids who were wandering through the village streets. we were throwing snowballs at the passerbyers. we were throwing snowballs at our neighbors. i was throwing snowballs at the cops.

then i went inside after two or three hours of snowball fun (resulting in extremely frostbitten hands and face) to make myself another cup of coffee.

i went upstairs to hang out with B, my saudi housemate, and enjoy the view from his 3rd story window. it was then that i realized that all the british kids were inside their houses to recoop while all the chinese students started to swarm out from their nests.

okay. i was a bit buzzed at the time. ill acknowledge that. but everything i said (at first) was out of the kindness of my heart. now, i honestly wanted to make some chinese friends here so i could have some connects back in the mainland, ya know? i was looking out the window watching all the chinese kids have fun and talking in their really thick mainland accents, so i started yelling out the window 'NI HAO MA'. i kept saying 'HELLO MY ASIAN BROTHAS AND SISTAS, LET US BE FRIENDS AND REJOICE IN THIS SNOW!'. i was struggling to remember the few polite chinese words i knew, and trying to communicate with them in chinese and english.

then the unthinkable happened.

about 20 chinese kids (male and female) started to snowball the window that i was looking out of. 20. mothafuckin. chinese. kids. i was bombarded with snowballs. while most of them lacked range and depth perception when throwing, a couple of these mothafuckas managed to get snowballs into the room i was in. in the mist of all this, i was trying to yell out peaceful means of negotiating our terms (i know. im honorable. i stood there being pelted with snow from these kids and was remain humble), but they would not stop. soon enough, all the chinese kids on our side of the house started to throw snowballs at the window.

WOW. i got so pissed. one of the managed to hit me in the chest with a snowball. that set me off. i had to let loose yo. i realized that its a tough snow covered world out there. im a man. i gotta stand up for myself.

i proceeded to gather snow from the roof and started making snowballs.

it was a stupid mistake. these chinese kids attacked me like i had just liberated taiwan.

so of course, i decided to take the next logical route and yell out racial slurs.

'YEA THATS RIGHT FIGHT FOR MAO YOU COMMIES!'
'KORAENS ARE FAR SUPERIOR TO YOUR NON ENGLISH SPEAKIN CHINESE ASSES'
etc etc.

then i started picking on the weak.

i saw theses girls and started to degrade her self esteem.
'OH MY GOD BITCH YOU NEED BOTOX!'
'NO WONDER WHY YOU'RE SINGLE!'
'BITCH YOU LOOK LIKE ZHANG ZIYI WITH DOWN SYNDROME'
etc etc. except add some racial slurs in them and you get my drift.

they kept attacking. and they started yelling at me in chinese. i knew they were fightin words. i knew it. i somehow managed to access the memories of my korean ancestors who probably went through the same thing (except with bows and guns and shit) and KNEW that they were cussing me out.

i seeked blood. chinese blood.

i ran outside the house with a couple of other housemates and started to attack the masses of chinese kids that were snowballing me. while many of them, for some reason, decided to give up as soon as i got out of the house, some were insistent. so, i targed my sights on a ringleader of the group (some chinese boy band lookin mothafucka with long ass orange hair and shit) and started making a snowball so hard that it could dent a car.

i aimed. fired. hit the man in the FACE. knocked off his glasses.

I LAUGHED. SO HARD. you know the feeling of joy you get when you see someone trip or fall? and you just automatically say 'OOOOOUUUUU' like you felt the pain too? you know you start laughing. dont deny. thats what happened to me.

the chinese kid was a bit bewildered because he just realized the consequences of messing with jason fucking chung. he started to walk away while these chinese girls came up to him all 'caring' and whatnot.

i got my revenge.

i felt good.

and then i started snowballing the other chinese kids.

mmm.

after that fiasco, i came into the house and got pretty drunk. im still a bit drunk actually. its only 9pm, and i started drinking at 2pm. so yea.

the moral of this story?

jason chung should not be messed with.
and snow is fun.

thank you.