Let Me In

Singing like a madman while driving on Beach Blvd. with the windows down after midnight could be one of the best things ever created by God. or Darwin. or Toyota.

I got offered head by three white girls in front of an AMPM in Cypress. All I had to do was buy them booze and redbull for their beerpong party. I declined. They proceeded to verbally abuse me with distasteful words like 'asshole' and 'fucker'. Bitches.

Apparently I've been flirting with a customer at our video store. And she has been flirting back. This is news to me. I thought I was just servicing a customer (in a retail-minded way). I think my coworker reads too deep into things.

I'm addicted to peaches. Costco's white seedless grapes are much too big to be organic. One of 'em was so big that I put it in my mouth, rolled it around with my tongue and took it back out because I couldn't believe how big it was. That's what she said.

I would like a nice and upstanding woman with a firm booty. Okay. I'll be honest. I just want the booty. What can I say? I'm a pirate. It's all I seek. Laughter ensues.

Bourne Ultimatum. Two Words. Fan. Tastic.

I have an erection. A stiff, attentive, Napoleonic erection for driving. I spend mucho pesos on gasolina. Meet up with me. Let us drive-o.