I must be going through a mid-life crisis. I FEEL like I'm going through one. Does this mean I'll die when I'm 42?
Lately, I've been having these immense urges to reconnect and discover my roots. I want to learn about my Korean roots, and weirdly enough, my Southern roots.
The idea of wanting to discover my Korean roots is understandable. I'm Korean after all, and I've been void of Korean culture for quite some time. Don't get me wrong, I know some of my shit. I can understand subtle undertones about Korean society in Korean movies because I've experienced it off and on during my childhood. However, I can't seem to understand why I feel like I need to go back to the South and discover my Southernness. I haven't thought too much about the South since I left the place in '99, but the more I think about it, the more I realize that the South played a massive part in making me the person I am today, good and bad. I have experienced a lot of shit living in California during my growin' years, but the South has left a lasting impression. I know. It's probably because I think fondly of my odd childhood. It's probably because thats where I grew up. It's probably because a lot of stuff happened there that still affect me and all that shit.
All I know is, I need to go back. I want to visit Charleston. I want to visit Goose Creek. I want to drive around Dorchester County. I want to go to Columbia. I want to enjoy the 5 hour drive from Charleston to Atlanta. I want to visit the strip mall where my parents opened their first beauty supply store. I want to track down old friends and maybe make new ones. I want to go to Ryan's Buffet one more time, even though I can't eat 2/3 of the shit they serve (because theres so much meat). I want to see if the Korean church that I wrecked havoc in is still there. I want to know if the PK's (Pastor's Kids) ended up being fucked up teens, because they sure were when I was hangin' with them. I want good ol' Church's chicken from the place right across our store. I want to see if Ann is still runnin' a salon. I want to see Shanene and her mom. I want to see the Haiwaiian girl and her family that let me crash their place from time to time while my parents worked after school (I'm pissed that I forgot her name. I think I had a crush on her too. Shoot.) I want to get in touch with Wakeem, probably my best friend from back in the day. I want to see what Soonam has been up to, and knowing him, hes probably a golf champion in his league or a major nerd. I want to see Sang and Tae hyung (hyung = brother in Korean) and see if they are still 'thuggin' it out. I want to see Natasha again (apparently shes an aspiring singer now) and eat at her mom's restaurant. I want to see Travis (even though I heard he's kind of insane. Really.) and talk about our top ten Pokemon fansite we ran. I want to see if those playboys are still in our woodland fort. I could go on and on yo.
That sure is a lot of wants.
I hope to reconnect with the South sometime before I die (42?).
but damn, I wish I retained some of my light southern accent. Imagine how much of a pimp I would be.
3 comments:
sounds like you're ruminating a lot on what you want to do before you ultimately leave this state of being, i.e. you are growing older.
no surprise. i think i am too...though i haven't had too many serious thoughts about what i want to do before i die. not yet, anyway. anyhow i think it's a good thing to reconnect w/ your roots, no matter where they be, and how spread out they be. i enjoyed reading about your snippets of memories from the South. =)
how about running away? i'll take the greyhound and meet you.
Hopefully I will be able to reconnect with my roots. Someday Jee, someday.
Let's meet halfway Jess. and PS: The greyhound is scary. Trust me.
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