UFO

Just some stuff I go through everyday.

(at the club #1)
YT: 'Where are you from?'
Me: 'California'
YT: 'No, I mean, where are you ORIGINALLY from?'
Me: 'Korea'
YT: 'Oh? What are you?'
Me: 'Human, I hope. I'm also an animal. At least, thats what the ladies tell me.'
YT: 'HA, Duh, but I mean, what ARE you?'
Me: 'Oh, you mean, like, what AM I?'
YT: YEA!'
Me: 'I'm the person thats going to be walking away from you in about 2 seconds'
YT: 'Huh?
Me: '*walks away*'

(at the pub #1)
YT: 'Where are you from?'
Me: 'California.'
YT: 'Wow mate, do you live in the OC?'
Me: 'Yep.'
YT: 'So, my blokes and I were wonderin, do you ever surf to school?'
Me: 'Huh?'
YT: 'You know mate, surfin? I know all the people in the OC go to the beach and surf all the time, right?'
Me: 'Oh yea. I surf to school all the time mate. Sometimes, when I feel like ditchin, I just surf around the school, cause you know, our schools are right in the middle of the ocean. It's great. Instead of eating lunch that we pack from home, my rich white friends and I go out during our allocated lunch time and surf with the dolphins and seals until we catch some fresh mahi mahi! It's crazy man. We cut that shit up and eat it FRESH! I grew up on surfin, cause if you have eyes, you can see that I'm not as pasty like you and my other fellow Asians. Matter of fact, come down to the OC sometime. I'll introduce you to all these hot girls you see off the OC and we can all go surfin and sleep in my big expensive beach house in Newport.'
YT: '.....Lucky.'
Me: 'Tell me about it.'

(at the club #2)
YT: 'So can you speak Chinese?'
Me: 'No.'
YT: 'Japanese?'
Me: 'No.'
YT: 'Thai?'
Me: 'No.'
YT: 'Indian?'
Me: 'That's not a language.'
YT: 'Yea it is, you dumb bloke.'
Me: 'Okay. Speak some Indian.'
YT: 'Tikki Masala Curry! HA HA HA HA!'
Me: 'I have to go now.'

(on campus, at uni, in class)
YT: 'Wow, I'm surprised that you are so eloquent. Where did you learn how to speak english?'
Me: 'What?'
YT: 'I'm just saying, did you learn English here or back in your home country?'
Me: 'I learnt it back in the motherland. I went through a 3 month intensive course where we got whipped if we didn't learn english fast enough.'
YT: 'Really?! They do that in China?'
Me: 'Yes. They do that in China. And I know what you're thinking. We do eat dogs. A lot of them. I use to have this dog named XiaoTsing, who went out of control and tried to bite me, so I had to hang the little fucker and eat him, in order to honor his memory.'
YT: 'WOW'
Me: 'Yep. You Brits are so much more civilized though. Binge drinking, chain smoking and heavy unprotected sex have shown me the way, the UK way.'
YT: 'I love drinking too.'
Me: 'I can tell.'


If you haven't figured out by now, YT = whitey.
and yes, these conversations really took place.

Next time on UFO: Asian male who speaks english in a club?!? DRINKING ALCOHOL!?! WHERE?!

Stay tuned for more ignorance!