Space MAN

What exactly defines masculinity?

Earlier today, I watched a film done on Hip-Hip and the masculinity of the black man in America. While I'm not a black man in America, I was intriguied by the question that this film brought up. What is masculinity and how do we define it?

When I was younger (more like, during high school), I always took horrible yet fun personality tests in hopes of somehow trying to understand a bit more about myself. I remember one distinct test I took in speech, where Kunal & I came out as the most feminine personalities in the entire class. Kunal beat me out by 3 points, but still, I was quite surprised. This test was telling me that my personality traits were stereotypically feminine and I showed almost no sign of masculinity. BOO I say. BOO. Honestly though, I was quite pleased with myself at the time. Shit, I prouded myself as being a nice guy. That's all I could be back in the day. I don't know why, now that I think about it. I think that I felt like being a nice guy would get me farther in life, farther with school and farther with ladies. However, I wasn't really a nice guy. I think there were a lot of situations where I wanted to express myself, but I would put those feelings six feet under and played the role of a nice guy. (Disclaimer: Friends, this role did not take part with you. This is the role I played with almost everyone else though.) Anyway. I never felt like a MAN. My dad would occasionally say shit that would test my masculinity and I would almost always fail the test. Haha. Anyway. The 'feminine' personality traits and the nice guy role really made me question my masculinity as a teenage male.

I've matured a lot since then (no ego-o). Now, I don't play no role. I still take personality tests because they are fun, but honestly, I know myself more than what the MMCI, Rorshach or DSM-IV could ever tell me. I look back on myself and realize that I was a BOY. A child. I'm not sayin that I'm the definition of masculinity now, but I think I'm close, closer than I've ever been. So the question that needs to be answered here is, what is my definition of masculinity? I'm just going to point out two main aspects, because a lot of other traits of masculinity can fit under these.

- CONFIDENCE. Being, knowing and loving yourself. I'm confident about my choices, which allows me to be confident in myself. I don't need to portray some fake thug image (even though I may cuss like one), I don't need to be emo or hipster or indie and I don't need to lie about how I feel. (I'm not saying you aren't a man if you fit with these crowds, so don't get it twisted. This is my subjective view from my own personal experience.) The confidence also lets me be introspective, giving me infinite room to grow as a man, as a human, so that I can express myself as I please, instead of having to follow the trends of popular culture's view of masculinity. Shit. I don't need to look like Brad Pitt to feel good about myself. OWN YOURSELF. My motto in life right now is, 'Do you.' Do you and everything will fall in place. I wasn't what you could call a 'confident young lad' back in the day. Actually, I was bloody insecure.
- RESPONSIBILITY. This might come off as old fashioned, but I think responsibility is an important factor in growing as a man. Being responsible for your actions as a male. I see a lot of guys my age who can't seem to grasp the idea of responsibility. Whether they are white or asian, their minds seem to be somewhere else, which really limits them, mentally. This is a vague aspect though. Responsibility for what, right? Everything, I suppose. I think this is another reason why I would definitely want a family in the future. They say that boys become men after they learn the responsibilities of raising children. I most definitely think theres truth to that. And no, I don't want children for the sake of my own growth. I want a family because I think one of the greatest responsibilites a person could have is to raise a child. In our modern society, this might not be the case for some people, since our views about norms such as marriage and family are ever-evolving. However, after being raised by my parents and watching a countless number of other parents raising their children and working hard for a cohesive family unit, I can't pinpoint anything else that would/could be more rewarding. I guess the question I would ask myself is "What kind of man would I be if I ran from adversity?"

I realized that I come off as a crazy old fashioned korean man. Hahahaha.

I'm still young. Mad young. I have a lot of time to experience new things and develop schemas about life. My view on masculinity will change later on. That's the beauty of it though. It WILL change.

While writing this however, I kept thinking to myself, 'Well what about femininity? Men aren't the only ones that should be confident and responsible.'

Then I realized that whether you are a man or woman, you should always strive for these qualities. I just put a male spin on confidence and responsibility, because thats how I see the world, as a male.

*I just wanted to add one more thing. This was discussed in the film as well.
This is hard for me, because I love Hip-Hop, but I get real sick of the misogyny in music at times. Objectifing women in music videos and songs have created such a negative impact on society. When men think of women, what automatically comes up first? Sex. This is a whole different post in the making, but I just wanted to point that out. Fellas, we gotta respect the women. Women = creation. We wouldn't be here if it weren't for them, yet you wouldn't think or know that if you pay attention to the media and it's oversexed use of women.*

I'm just doing me.