orange krush

i havent slept for 30+ something hours.

im exhausted.

yet...i feel good.

cleaning your room is theraputic. i rearranged some books, organized my musty recycled-paper lecture notes, wiped off the dust from my desk, did my dishes, picked up all my clothes from the floor and put them in my plastic basket and even attempted to pick up any miniscule particle article i saw on the ground.

*post-break*

i just found this article about ANOTHER disturbing korean american family situation in california.
OC Woman Arrested For Trying to Kill Her Family
this is the 3rd or 4th time that this has happened. what the fuck is going on in the korean american community? why are they modeling their acts after the first few korean families that went through this? SHE DOUSED HER HUSBAND AND HER THREE CHILDREN IN GASOLINE AND TRIED TO SET THEM ON FIRE.

this disturbs me on many levels.

what reason would she have to do that? was her husband abusing her? did she have something to hide? was she ashamed? is she a psychopath? was she just being impulsive and didnt think through this at all?

and why the kids? why the 3 fucking kids? what did they do to deserve that kind of trauma?

i remember when i heard the first story about a korean man in LA who tried to burn his kids alive while they had on their seat belts in his car. in front of his business. that sent chills down my spine. i learned later on that he was ashamed of failing as a father and not being able to support his family, so he decided to burn his children alive, burn his business down and kill himself during the act instead of working to fix their living situation.

that was quite impactful. he would choose to burn his children alive along with himself because he had a hard time supporting his family. now, i dont know his family/financial situation front to back, but thats no way to run from your troubles. my parents were dirt poor when they started. i doubt my sister is old enough to remember, but i remember. they would work 12-14 hour days just to make a minimum living off a textile/sewing factory we had in garden grove. they breathed in dust all day and swept up dust all night. we lived in a small tan apartment that seems like it belongs in watts, not garden grove, aka ghetto shack, thats still there today. my parents were stressed. my grandmother was stressed. life wasnt easy. they couldnt afford kindergarten for me, so one of my parents managed to come pick me up at naptime and take me to work, while my grandmother watched over my baby sister. i was a brat, but i knew my parents were struggling. a lot of people were struggling back then. the only people i knew were people trying to get by, check to check. these beautiful people were on the GRIND. day and night. day and mothafuckin night. the great thing about the people i was around was the fact that they PERSEVERED AND KEPT ON IT. no one tried to burn their families alive!!! you stuck together and made it work. you got help from your friends and you returned the favor. the community supported you, whether you were mexican or black or asian or indian. whatever had to be done, you had to do it. this was and is the immigrant way. how come its become so tragic now? families killing each other and trying to burn each other alive? someone tell me.

why is this not being taken seriously in the korean community? i remember the korean newspapers reported it ONCE, the day of, and never reported an update, further investigations, ANYTHING, on the first string of these disturbing incidents. i had to seek out information from fox11 and shit. this is becoming a problem. copycats are showing up one by one, trying to set their families on fire.

the asian american community needs help.

i need to hurry up and get my degree. i need to get on MY grind. i need to go out there and start working with these families and the asian american communities. i cant stand this.

its fucking tragic.