translation: im in love with the world.
honestly.
i cant seem to stomach negativity these days. that whole marriage post in thesimple? bah. even thats too much for me right now. i dont think im trying to avoid anything that would make me feel bad or question my ideas. i just feel like not dealing with petty arguments and discussions. does this mean i think that whole marriage thing is petty? probably. if someone asked me about that right now, i wouldnt have anything to say. whether they think im some blind slave to institutions or not, i could care less.
but besides that whole fiasco,
i think ive gone through another peak experience (read up on maslow my friends). life makes sense to me right now. it might sound ridiculous, but i just want to be all about peace and love. maslow said that peak experiences come easily to those who are self actualized, in other words, a enlightened individual. im not saying im near enlightenment, but this isnt the first time ive felt this way.
its unexplainable really. ive had this entry open for about 40 minutes, trying to figure out how i can describe this ecstatic, euphoric emotion, but its impossible to put into words. i feel this emotion flowing inside me, as if its exuding from the core of my being. (my soul perhaps?). each push of a button on this keypad seems electric. the song playing in the background (which happens to be one of my all time favorite songs) sounds like im hearing it for the first time. everyone i talk to and chat with and interact with, i feel like ive known them all my life. i love them.
i also have constant dejavus. they seem like a reminder of my previous peak experiences. its a comfortable feeling, yet keeps me excited for whats to come.
i often wonder, when i get these experiences, if im feeling closer to some heavenly being. god, allah, whoever.
i never seem to get peak experiences when im with other people. they always start when im alone. i guess im grateful for that, because imagine me going through a peak experience and trying to explain it to a group of people who have no idea what im talking about.
i love life right now. i failed my exam today, but that doesnt seem to bother me. actually, i havent even thought about it all day, even though i was stressing for a couple of nights. i just...got over it.
i love you. and you. and you.
people try so hard to define love. i think everyone has to ability to find and experience love. the only people who actively seek out a definition are the ones who havent experienced what love feels like. once you find it, you know it, and it seems as if you cant define it. at least, thats how i feel. love is subjective though, so what do i know right? i know what i feel, and i know its love. amore.
so im going to sit here, listen to stevie wonder, enjoy myself and make sure that i make the most of my time.
if this post was confusing to you, im sorry. this is just how my thought process was working at the time. its jumping all over the place, but the thread that ties it all together is there.
and i wish i could think of everything going through ya headdddd
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6 comments:
Right back at you: I wish I really knew what was going through your head. Because I'm envious of how you seem to be feeling. Euphoric, ecstatic---every button push is with a kind of burst of joy---it doesn't sound stupid at all to me. It sounds like you're at a peaceful plateau, way high above most of the world.
Whether or not that 'plateau' of thinking and feeling is good or bad really doesn't matter. Because you feel it, and when you're on it and inside it, you simply don't care. Right?
Yet you try to show others how, in the style you did---sort of vaguely, since you'd probably not convey it well with too-clear descriptions---because you actually care if people read what you wrote and try to understand you. I think that's simply wonderful...keep that alive (that desire to show others).
And while my life has been sparse with such internally joyous moments, and while it's hard for me to understand you, I'm happy for you. And hope that you'll always remember those emotions when you enter any hard times in the future.
If some individuals didn't feel intense love for the world as it is...we'd continue with technological and mechanical progresses without knowing why (I say this even though I think I'm against progress in general these days). We would, I think, eventually break down. We wouldn't know where to go...I guess we're all pushed on to live by moments like these---even if most of us individually experience them in small increments of lesser degrees.
And so we live on.
And I know I've written in a very different spirit from you, Jason, but those are the thoughts that flowed through me as I read yours.
*when i said 'my life has been sparse with internally joyous moments,' i'm referring to the past few months in particular...you know.
=)
너 지금 소설쓰지??? ㅋㅋㅋ
세상을 사랑하는것도 좋고, 싫어하는것도 좋고, 그냥 살다가 죽으면 되는거지 왠 혼자 쪼개긴... ㅋㅋㅋ
i think there are many different types of peak experiences. you can get a peak experience when you're drunk, pensive, in a crowd lost in the moment, at church, etc. when i used to be depressed/sad/pensive and had those moments...oh man...those were the days...haha. fun times.
I just saw the title and I came straight to comment on just your title...
REALLY?! You sure about that??? The WORLD?
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